|Posted on April 3, 2012 at 12:40 AM|
Some of you may think I'm referring to myself here since it's been so long since I posted a blog. Sadly, I am referring to my wonderful mother that I lost this past month. Mom had renal cell carcinoma and had surgery to remove it. The surgery was a success, however the day after she was discharged she died suddenly. My family is still in shock and at times it's hard to bear. However, I have a heavenly Father that cares for me so deeply and through prayers from wonderful friends/family I have been able to cope. There are times I cry and don't even know it's coming on. There are times I feel guilty for smiling and enjoying life. I don't know how I'm supposed to act, but I know my mom raised a very strong daughter and she would want me to enjoy my girls that she adored.
I'm unsure of whether my mom was saved. I witnessed to her numerous times, but she would never tell me. That is one thing that is "haunting" me. The day of her death I had gotten out of the tub, and was drying off. In my head I was singing the song, "Oh, How I Love Jesus", when all of a sudden the lyrics changed to..."Your hands are clean, she's with Me!". Please pray that I have enough faith to believe that that truly was a sign from Him to let me know that He has her. I don't know if it was just me wanting so badly to know that she was "ok", that my mind conjured those lyrics up.
If you still have your mom I urge you to spend every moment you can with her. Tell her you love her and get the answers to questions that are burning inside of you. I had NO idea what friends/family that had lost their moms were going through. It's a pain that is indescribable to someone that hasn't experienced it. You feel like you can't go on at times and the sadness is so deep. Mom and I were very close.
My earthly father has been in the hospital this year as well and was on life support in February. He's doing better now, but he too misses mom terribly. Please pray for his spiritual condition as he has told me he isn't saved. It would give me much peace if I knew he was.
As far as my physical condition. I am still working out and eating fairly well. This year so far I haven't been as consistent, since I have been caregiving. My weight is up a bit, and I'm not "infomercial ready" right now, but that's ok. I can still wear some of my 6's, but 8's sometimes feel better. ;)and they are far from the 24's that I wore back in 2003 I vowed this month to get back to being consistent and to take better care of myself. Take care of you and your's you'll be so glad you did and you'll have no regrets!
I have no more space available on my site to post pics or I would have added a recent pic! I'm on facebook! However, please send me a message and let me know who you are or I may not accept.