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Is she really gone?

Posted on April 3, 2012 at 12:40 AM

Some of you may think I'm referring to myself here since it's been so long since I posted a blog. Sadly, I am referring to my wonderful mother that I lost this past month. Mom had renal cell carcinoma and had surgery to remove it. The surgery was a success, however the day after she was discharged she died suddenly. My family is still in shock and at times it's hard to bear. However, I have a heavenly Father that cares for me so deeply and through prayers from wonderful friends/family I have been able to cope. There are times I cry and don't even know it's coming on. There are times I feel guilty for smiling and enjoying life. I don't know how I'm supposed to act, but I know my mom raised a very strong daughter and she would want me to enjoy my girls that she adored.

I'm unsure of whether my mom was saved. I witnessed to her numerous times, but she would never tell me. That is one thing that is "haunting" me. The day of her death I had gotten out of the tub, and was drying off. In my head I was singing the song, "Oh, How I Love Jesus", when all of a sudden the lyrics changed to..."Your hands are clean, she's with Me!". Please pray that I have enough faith to believe that that truly was a sign from Him to let me know that He has her. I don't know if it was just me wanting so badly to know that she was "ok", that my mind conjured those lyrics up.

If you still have your mom I urge you to spend every moment you can with her. Tell her you love her and get the answers to questions that are burning inside of you.  I had NO idea what friends/family that had lost their moms were going through. It's a pain that is indescribable to someone that hasn't experienced it. You feel like you can't go on at times and the sadness is so deep. Mom and I were very close.

My earthly father has been in the hospital this year as well and was on life support in February. He's doing better now, but he too misses mom terribly. Please pray for his spiritual condition as he has told me he isn't saved. It would give me much peace if I knew he was.

As far as my physical condition. I am still working out and eating fairly well. This year so far I haven't been as consistent, since I have been caregiving. My weight is up a bit, and I'm not "infomercial ready" right now, but that's ok. I can still wear some of my 6's, but 8's sometimes feel better. ;)and they are far from the 24's that I wore back in 2003  I vowed this month to get back to being consistent and to take better care of myself. Take care of you and your's you'll be so glad you did and you'll have no regrets!

I have no more space available on my site to post pics or I would have added a recent pic! I'm on facebook! However, please send me a message and let me know who you are or I may not accept. :)

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21 Comments

Reply Carla
1:13 PM on November 4, 2013 
Dawn, your story sounds so much like my mom's. We are still not sure what really happened to my mom. Huge hugs at the loss of your dear husband. I can only imagine what you've been going through. Love and prayers coming your way.
Dawn says...
My heart truly goes out to you as I lost my husband of 16 years in March as well. He had renal cell carcinoma which was removed through surgery and just 10 days later he died. Every sign pointed to a full recovery and in the blink of an eye he was gone. I can't begin to describe the pain and loss over these last 7 months. Some days I think I'll never get over it and other days I feel like I can keep living. I feel like I'm just going thru the motions but I need to try to regain my health as I've just let myself go since he's been gone.

I will keep you in my prayers as well.
Dawn
Reply Dawn
12:01 PM on October 28, 2013 
My heart truly goes out to you as I lost my husband of 16 years in March as well. He had renal cell carcinoma which was removed through surgery and just 10 days later he died. Every sign pointed to a full recovery and in the blink of an eye he was gone. I can't begin to describe the pain and loss over these last 7 months. Some days I think I'll never get over it and other days I feel like I can keep living. I feel like I'm just going thru the motions but I need to try to regain my health as I've just let myself go since he's been gone.

I will keep you in my prayers as well.
Dawn
Reply Dawn
9:47 AM on November 29, 2012 
http://laydownmyidols.blogspot.ca/
Thinking about you & hoping you're doing well.
Will you be posting another Christmas photo this year? It always inspires me!
Dawn
Reply Carla
4:07 PM on November 7, 2012 
Hello, Irene, thank you so much. I just lost my dad as well last week. It's been quite the year for me. I'll see if I can find you on facebook. Keep moving! :)
Irene Carpenter says...
So sorry to hear about your mom. Glad I found you again. I was following your progress & was really encouraged and motivated and did pretty good until Aug. 2009 when I had a stroke. Finally physically able to start working out again, not like before but so thankful that my life was spared and I can move again. Might not be very pretty but at least I'm moving. Would love to follow you on facebook.~~Irene C.
Reply Irene Carpenter
4:00 PM on November 7, 2012 
So sorry to hear about your mom. Glad I found you again. I was following your progress & was really encouraged and motivated and did pretty good until Aug. 2009 when I had a stroke. Finally physically able to start working out again, not like before but so thankful that my life was spared and I can move again. Might not be very pretty but at least I'm moving. Would love to follow you on facebook.~~Irene C.
Reply Carla
2:20 PM on October 2, 2012 
I tried finding you on fb, but wasn't sure which one was you.
Provy Cruz says...
Carla, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I lost my mom 7 years ago and I can understand your pain. It's wonderful to hear how close you are to God and how much you lean on Him to get you through these tough times. I really don't know how I ever got through this life without Him. It is my feverent prayer that everyone would know the joy of knowing our Savior and the peace He brings to our lives. I would like to find you on facebook, but I do not know your last name. If you would please let me know how I can find you, I would send a friend request. I've been following you for many years and I just love to see when you update. You are a true inspiration.
-With Love, Provy
Reply Carla
2:19 PM on October 2, 2012 
UPDATE- my father made a profession of faith about a month ago! Thank you for your prayers!
Reply Carla
2:16 PM on October 2, 2012 
Thank you both so much for your words of kindness. It still hurts, but she raised a strong daughter and with His help I'll continue to strive to do my very best!
Reply LauraSB
1:56 PM on October 2, 2012 
I am so sorry about your loss.
Reply Provy Cruz
11:48 PM on May 27, 2012 
Carla, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I lost my mom 7 years ago and I can understand your pain. It's wonderful to hear how close you are to God and how much you lean on Him to get you through these tough times. I really don't know how I ever got through this life without Him. It is my feverent prayer that everyone would know the joy of knowing our Savior and the peace He brings to our lives. I would like to find you on facebook, but I do not know your last name. If you would please let me know how I can find you, I would send a friend request. I've been following you for many years and I just love to see when you update. You are a true inspiration.
-With Love, Provy
Reply Carla
11:44 AM on April 3, 2012 
Dawn- sorry your mom has alzheimer's I'm sure that is quite difficult. Prayers to your and your's too. Thanks so much. :)
http://laydownmyidols.blogspot.ca/ says...
(I just lost my first message...) Carla I am so sorry that you lost your mom, and suddenly too. I am savouring the time with my mom even though Alzheimer's has a grip on her. Losing those we love either fast or slow isn't nice - I lost my dad very quickly. Will pray for your dad. I was happy to see your update - your blog encourages me and so do your yearly pics. Thanks so much! Dawn
Reply http://laydownmyidols.blogspot.ca/
11:30 AM on April 3, 2012 
(I just lost my first message...) Carla I am so sorry that you lost your mom, and suddenly too. I am savouring the time with my mom even though Alzheimer's has a grip on her. Losing those we love either fast or slow isn't nice - I lost my dad very quickly. Will pray for your dad. I was happy to see your update - your blog encourages me and so do your yearly pics. Thanks so much! Dawn
Reply Carla
7:50 AM on April 3, 2012 
Thanks for your messages, everyone, they are so helpful!
Reply Carla
7:50 AM on April 3, 2012 
So sorry you lost your mom as well. I truly had no idea what others had been through even though I tried to be sympathetic. I do have a peace that passes all understanding at times, but others I feel so lost. Thanks for your message and glad you're getting those firm tapes back out. :)
Laura says...
Praying for you...I lost my mom to leukemia last October after we were so gratefu her battle with breast cancer had been overcome and she had spent 7 years with us. I cry too...it's hard...but it is the wonderful hand of our Savior who is with us and gives us His perfect peace. I'm so glad you were a witness to her and Jesus will honor that. Funny, I was thinking of getting my FIRM tapes out this week. Since my mom's death I have been hit and miss with exercise and poor eating habits have been haunting me. You are an inspiration. Thank you for your witness!
Hugs from Ohio,
Laura
Reply Laura
2:38 PM on April 2, 2012 
Praying for you...I lost my mom to leukemia last October after we were so gratefu her battle with breast cancer had been overcome and she had spent 7 years with us. I cry too...it's hard...but it is the wonderful hand of our Savior who is with us and gives us His perfect peace. I'm so glad you were a witness to her and Jesus will honor that. Funny, I was thinking of getting my FIRM tapes out this week. Since my mom's death I have been hit and miss with exercise and poor eating habits have been haunting me. You are an inspiration. Thank you for your witness!
Hugs from Ohio,
Laura
Reply KelseyR
2:18 PM on April 2, 2012 
Hang in there, Carla. I'm praying for you and your family.
Reply Renee
1:30 PM on April 2, 2012 
Carla says...
I hope things go well for you! That's what she had as well. She was a diabetic and only had the one kidney left as she lost her other one to cancer 20 years ago. Thanks for your message.

Im trusting in God that things will go well. Prayers and hugs to you. God Bless!! :-)
Amen!
Reply Carla
1:23 PM on April 2, 2012 
Renne says...
I'm so sorry you lost your Mother. My heart goes out to you and your family. I do think that was a sign from God letting you know she is okay. I'm in my third week of recovering from a partial nephrectomy to remove my kidney tumor.I was diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma this year. The surgery is kinda tuff and I'm so sorry your mom did not recover well. It's very sad to hear. May God bless you and your family.

I hope things go well for you! That's what she had as well. She was a diabetic and only had the one kidney left as she lost her other one to cancer 20 years ago. Thanks for your message.
Reply Renee
1:20 PM on April 2, 2012 
I'm so sorry you lost your Mother. My heart goes out to you and your family. I do think that was a sign from God letting you know she is okay. I'm in my third week of recovering from a partial nephrectomy to remove my kidney tumor.I was diagnosed with renal cell carcinoma this year. The surgery is kinda tuff and I'm so sorry your mom did not recover well. It's very sad to hear. May God bless you and your family.
Reply LauraSB
1:16 PM on April 2, 2012 
I am so sorry to hear about you Mom.

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